After what I would describe as a rather unfruitful and frustrating SBE II, I feel even more nervous to attempt my SBE III Teaching practice tomorrow. I have so many uncertainties and fears: I am afraid that nothing has been planned for me by my mentor; I don’t feel ready to teach higher levels and would be more comfortable with lower secondary; I’m scared that I am not given at least one class to teach on a continuous basis and that I am made to replace teachers here and there, leaving me almost no time to prepare myself before class, amongst so many things.
While I believe that I can handle classroom management, I feel terrified at the idea of my losing all my faculties and forgetting all my Mathematics because right now, with absolutely no idea of which classes I would be teaching tomorrow, I have prepared nothing. I usually induce in much preparation and planning before doing something and the fact that I would be going there without this prior planning makes me feel bare and naked!
I remember at the beginning of this PGCE course how eager I was for SBE placement in Secondary Schools. It never crossed my mind that things could go so bad and that I would come home crying! However, after the SBE II, I nevertheless feel better prepared to face the staff-room and I also prepared myself mentally to not expect much from practicing teachers and my mentor. It is actually why, while I may sound negative and pessimistic, I prefer to acclimate myself to the reality rather than be deceived. If things go well, good for me; and if not, happy-go lucky! At least I would not be able to say that I was not expecting this…
